Tuesday, January 10, 2012


So people do get it. Unfortunately, just very late in life =(

In this quick article, a nurse that works in Hospice care talks about what people on their death bed think about, and mostly regret.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

How To Be Alone. In a Happy Way.

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Why we care.

Why is it so important to us what others think about us?

Are people who care about what others think Shallow? Superficial? Fake? Insecure?

I don't think so, really. I think the judgement of our world is what has crushed our natural desires to care for one another.

At heart, we are beings that nurture, empathize, sympathize, help, give, serve, and are naturally good-natured.

Because of living in a world that has turned those attributes into signs of "weakness", we have shied away from being this way to each other.

I do not believe the root of this worry is that we care what others think about us, it's that we desire to care about them. Unfortunately, most of the society we live in now has been taught that you can't rely on anyone but yourself. That you are the only one you have, and that it is up to you and no one else to be what you want to be, get where you're going, and "achieve".

Me Me Me. You You You.
There is no longer an US or a community.

The more people believe they should only rely on themselves, the more judgemental they become of others, which then leads to people feeling judged, which we are now. We live in a world that is way to self absorbed with filling themselves up. The mere thought that someone else could fill you up is just too much to bare. Where's the trust? The giving & receiving? It is lost. That is sad. I feel bad for people who are trapped in a world that is led by others' thoughts, despite the obvious effort to only rely on oneself. Nature at it's finest.

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Today I have begun a cleanse. Of mind, body and spirit. I am a pretty positive person, trying to not let the small things push me around much. I am an organized planner, but try not to let it take over my life (*Try* being the operative verb here). Yet, sometimes, life gets in control of me. I begin to feel frazzled, out of balance, and out of control of my feelings, energy, and thoughts. I feel as if I'm trudging through mud, always attempting to "catch up" to life as it seems to always stay ten steps ahead of me. I do NOT like this feeling. As I'm sure no one does.

I like to be balanced. To feel healthy in my mind, with thoughts that make sense and aren't wondering off.I like to feel in control of cravings, for foods and anything else. And rather than trying to be ten steps ahead of life, I enjoy walking along side of it, IN it, experiencing it - each moment as it is happening. I like being.

I have felt like this at times in life, and it comes with a heightened sense of peace unlike anything else.

This peace and balance comes from cleansing. Taking a look at the life you are spiraling in, and tossing out the things which do not belong. Like a game of "which one is unlike the others?", where your job is to find the things that are not matching up with the purpose of your being. Why are you here? What are you doing? What are your goals? Some of those questions may not have an apparent answer, it may be fogged or may not have been made clear to you yet, but that does not stop you from searching the TRUE and HONEST desires of your heart. Not the worldly desires. Those are fake. Think natural. What does your body need, what does your mind need, what are your spiritual needs?

They all go together to create a whole being. As you find the answer to what is fulfilling your natural, true and honest desire of the spirit, you will find physical and mental clarity. As you begin to take care of your body through honest, true and natural ways, you will find a heightened peace in the mind and spirit. And as you draw closer to the spirit, what we were meant to believe, follow, create, and BE, you will find mental clarity & serenity, and you'll feel more physical energy and peace within your phsycial being.

I began cleansing today, and will continue on for as long as I feel called to. Through this time, I will be using methods that help me achieve my goals, through prayer and physical & mental strength, overcoming obstacles, learning to listen to what is within, letting the positive and natural truth speak louder than the world does.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Keeping it up... and Hoover Dam Half

Can't believe 10 days has flown by since I last posted!

So, I've been keeping up with the slower but faster running. I love it. I don't want my run to end! That's the way it should be all the time. I just got too ambitious. I have to love running where I am and push slightly against my comfort zone to stay motivated and challenged.

The fam and I went to the Hoover Dam Bridge public opening yesterday. You can read all about our trip here. But with that trip, I made my final decision. I'm going to run the Calico Racing Hoover Dam Half Marathon on Oct. 30, 2010. I am hoping to hit that 2:30 but I don't really mind if it takes longer. As usual, I'm set up to volunteer afterwards, so that's incentive to keep my butt moving!

Tomorrow's crazy busy. But I'm working on carving out time every Tuesday for a longer run. I think it's working out to be a better day for the long run of the week. I just need to get in the routine of it.

Time for bed!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Go slower to get there faster

What an interesting concept.

Last week I was working on trying to keep a faster pace with longer distance. In the end, I only ended up with a slower overall average pace because of all the walking I was doing between my miles. What I consistently found out was that by the 3/4 or whole mile my cardio ability was shot. I was panting, tired and mentally exhausted. My legs were feeling great though. So I'd walk for a few minutes and then take off again.

This week, I decided to run slower and just run for time, not distance. A training tip I've read many times online and in Runner's World. So I went out and did just that. I ran at a comfortable pace, and held it for a while and then I looked at Judy (my Garmin watch) to check how I'd been doing. Already I had noticed that mentally and physically, I was feeling awesome. I felt like I could run that way forever. So what does Judy say? Dontcha know she says I'm doing high 10 to low 11 min miles. These are my averages when I'm pushing to run in the low 9 minute miles, but then I'm walking so much because I'm exhausting myself. It felt much more enjoyable to run at a steady soft pace and I ended up at a same if not faster average!

Oh and guess what? I looked forward to my next run. This is a feeling I've been missing. I know I love running, I know I will do it, but I've missed that love affair I used to have with it. I thought it was just the heat. Well even though the heat played a HUGE factor, it was also how I was running. At this rate, if I can hold that comfortable pace for my long runs (going to try 10 miles this weekend), then I know I can definitely achieve the 2:30 goal!

So now I know, I need to slow down to go faster! Saving speed for 400m laps and speed work. Sometimes we make things harder than they have to be. The LOVE of running should always be highest priority, when you feel you've lost it, find it.